.

I am so burnt out right now, and so distraught. Daily I am pouring into studies (having Friday classes after being spoiled by three previous semesters without them), obligations to friends, the stress of having a car that stalls out, and always seeking to encourage someone in their work or faith. I want to be there for people in ways I never have been before and it is wearing me out.

I hope this break is a good time to gain a sense of peace once more and to renew my joy.

Your love tears me up
And when it’s done puts me together

let love explode and bring the dead to life
a love so bold to bring a revolution somehow
now i’m lost in your freedom
and this world i’ll overcome
my god’s not dead
he’s surely alive

Hey wait, today is Valentine’s Day.

Challenge: Define love in your own terms.

I am a self-professed dreamer bogged down by the realities of this world.
Tonight I heard something that I have never heard before, “Anxiety is the second greatest sin that plagues the Christian walk.”
When I put these two things together I see how much anxiety is induced because I can’t think in real time, see facts, or see these time constraints as a positive thing.
I can’t put my hand on definitive that were proved scientifically.
I am forced to see limitations to ambitions.
I see how much anxiety is created because I want to try and do things on my own, but the reality of it all is that I can’t do it by myself.
I need my friends to help sustain me and encourage me.
I need my faith and relationship with God to preserve the only sense of sanity that keeps me grounded in the real world.

…it might actually come true
:]

So I just put a picture here and have no idea why.

I want snow, that is why.

And if you haven’t learned this already, Downton Abbey is AMAZING.  Yes, I just used capital letters to scream at you.  AMAZING.

The semester of digi has been over for nearly two months.
Suggestions?

My auntie died a couple of hours ago.  She is my dad’s sister-in-law.  I don’t think she knew Christ as her personal Lord and savior…

Why did this happen?

She is a second-time grandmother from her only son, yet still a beautiful mother of three.
I hardly saw her and I hardly knew her, yet there was so much promise in the future to get to see her more for extended periods of time.

So I ask that you pray for her husband, three children, grandsons, in this especially hard time of year to lose people.

hours 0-9:  watching J. Edgar in theatre, brainstorming, reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis for research, and more note-taking/brainstorming.  here are some notes that are much better punctuated than what i have been typing thus far:

J. Edgar Hoover loved patriotism more than the constitution.

Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church.  (1)
He is caught up into that world where pain and pleasure take on transfinite values and all our arithmetic is dismayed.  (17)
The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able to ever act, and in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.  (67)
… a hope for the daily and hourly pittance to meet the daily and hourly temptation (69)
With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human … to live in the Past.  But this is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past and it has a determinate nature and, to that extent, resembles eternity.  It is far better to make them live in the Future.  Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear.  Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities.  In a word, the Future is, of all things, the least like eternity.  It is the most completely temporal part of time – for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays.  …  Hence nearly all vices are rooted in the future.  Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.  (76)
… daily increasing in conscious dependence on the Enemy.  (154)
Prosperity knits a man to the world.  (155)
The more he fears, the more he will hate.  (160)
… not ‘Who are you?’ but ‘So it was you all the time.’ (174)
…-encourage in your own minds that delusion which you must carefully foster in the minds of your human victims.  I mean the delusion that the fate of nations is in itself more important than that of individual souls.  The overthrown of free peoples and the multiplication of slave-states are for us a means (besides, of course, being fun); but the real end is the destruction of individuals.  For only individuals can be saved or damned, can become sons of the Enemy or for us.  The ultimate value, for us, of any revolution, war, or famine lies in the individual anguish, treachery, hatred, rage and despair which it may produce.  (207)

Time touches eternity
Self –> contempt –> cynicism, cruelty
Redefining what “mine” truly is
Pressure of the ordinary
Nothing is strong
humility =/= less in value
Don’t let prayer become insulting when it started from passion
Contradictions and uncertainty arouses hope and fear
Argument awakens reason which yields a result
Anxiety and suspense barricade our minds from seeing the things of God

False / true           academic / practical           outworn / contemporary  patriot / pacifist  self / God              ruthless / conventional

Cowardice, despair, shame               gentledevils

My dear Wormwood,
Your affectionate uncle
Screwtape

hours 10-16: creating animations, nixing animations because troubleshooting didn’t end my troubles, finding sound, adding movement.  more research.
hours 17-21: editing timing, text; modifying audio.

My Movie10

and in case that doesn’t work